It’s been a while again since I blogged just because I felt God had forgotten me. I know that God hears all on my prayers, sees all of my tears and knows my heart desire. I have actually stopped even discussing my marriage with people because I’m starting to realize they’re tired. Which reminds me that sometimes God places you in a place that only He can heal or comfort you. I have found myself in this place realizing that no matter how many prayers my friends pray with me if God is not ready nothing will happen. Today as I listened to my pastor this morning he reminded the church of the blessings being held up by the angels fighting. He spoke about Daniel praying with his face to the ground continuously with no answer. I have found myself in this same place praying, fasting and believing that God will restore my marriage. Yes I could just give up and move on as people have suggested. But in my heart I believe I’m standing where God wants me to be. I see God using me as a vessel for other women that want to just give up and give in. In my storm I continue to help others and speak on marriage and God’s love of marriage. And I know the victory belongs to Jesus and all the glory belongs to God. So if you find yourself in spiritual warfare just stand steadfast and unmovable and know that ” The king is moving” The devil may have lied and said “checkmate” but ” The King has the last move”. Be encouraged and keep believing ” Jesus will work it out”
I will start this post with saying I thank God for ” This Christmas” because I lived and made it to another Christmas without losing my mind. I prayed and continued to pray that God would send my husband home for Christmas. I was so convinced that it would happen I prepared his gifts and stocking, then I picked up some of his favorite items from the grocery store and I prayed for a miracle….
The miracle didn’t manifest on earth so I began to believe that God had forgotten about little old me. The wife that has been praying and standing believing that ” His word will never return void”. I know I didn’t get to spend Christmas with my husband but I enjoyed family time and thanked God for his blessings that I didn’t spend the day alone.
So I’m still praying and believing. If you’re following my post by now you may be wondering why doesn’t she just let go. Yes I’m tired, yes I want to let go and yes I’m ready to move forward in my life. But when God says ” Be still” you must be still. So I’m still and praying for my harvest !!
” Be still and know that I am God” Psalms 46:10
Be still can mean many things while you’re in a storm. Sometimes it can mean just being quiet, calm and content in the moment you’re in. So I will remain still because only when I’m still will I hear God’s voice….
Good morning, As I post this morning I’m overjoyed and my heart is overflowing from God’s grace. I haven’t blogged in a few days because I again lost focus on what God wants me to see and know about him. God had to remind me through scripture reading that He is my husband, and that He was my husband since youth, in widowhood and even through rejection. That God alone has and will always be my husband. And that he will reconcile my earthly marriage but I must first acknowledge and be thankful for Him as my first husband !! Wow…. When I read this scripture I was confused and of course reached out for confirmation through my spiritual prayer partner and through my own prayers.
This week has been a week of rejoicing singing, thanking God and praising him for the blessings He has in store for me. Each day I have chosen to Thank God for something new that I have petitioned him for but not yet seen with my own eyes. Today I woke with an ” And Suddenly” thanks on my list.
My scripture reading this morning has placed me in high gear confirming that God is faithful and His word will never return void. It began with :
My Question to God :
“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart ? How long will my enemy triumph over me”? Psalm 13: 1-2
” Look at the nations and watch– and be utterly amazed For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.” Habakkuk 1: 5
Wow God just showed up this morning and showed out through his word my question and answer right there together !!!! Amen
So No, I have not and will not stop trusting God for my overflow, my And Suddenly, my But God moment ! I know it’s coming and I’m ending this blog with trusting God to restore my household to one union in this year of 2017. And allowing 2018 to be a new beginning for my marriage that He God has truly ordained and blessed despite the enemy coming in like a thief in the night. So I will end this blog today with praise and thanks knowing its already done.
” For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay”.
Habakkuk 2: 2-3
Many times doing this journey God has spoken to me through scripture, songs and devotionals. Never ever underestimate or allow anyone to make you question the way God speaks to you. We are all crafted in God’s image and He alone knows what it takes to reveal his plan to each and every one of us. I have had friends on this journey ask ” are you sure, you’re not making God’s scripture fit what you want to hear. Maybe He’s not saying that or to be exact ” sometimes you want something so bad that you make every song, scripture or devotional speak that thing into existence in your mind. Well my answer to those statements has always been ” God knows what I need and how to reveal Himself and His word to me.
Well today marks another long period of praying, waiting and asking God for revelation. And I must say He has given me just what I asked for. In the beginning of this storm or season in my life; I had a collection of scriptures I read daily. I didn’t clearly understand why or how my eyes found those exact scriptures. I didn’t realize that as the journey continued that God would use those very scriptures to give me confirmation. I prayed over these scriptures at least twice daily. I would enter my prayer room each morning and read these scriptures and I ended each night reading the same scriptures. Then I decided that I know longer needed to read or prayer over these anymore. In my mind they were not helping anyway. Wow !! God will reveal. Well those same scriptures have come back to me several times in the last two weeks in various devotionals or daily bible reading. God was speaking and letting me know I still say yes!! These scriptures were your light and revelation but the time for that vision had not yet come. God still had some unfinished work to perfect in me. I’m so thankful that when my heart said “No”; God’s yes was still somewhere deep down waiting to be revealed.
One of the scripture revelations and small miracles I saw with my eyes was in the prayer for my husband I posted in my last blog. The scripture used for that prayer was first revealed to me 11/2016 I actually carried that scripture in my pocket as I was wheeled away for surgery. I was praying for God to speak now and that all delays would be no more. However God was saying wait. I posted that prayer two weeks prior on my blog site and chose 12/7 as the day to be actually posted. On Friday 12/8 I received my daily devotional and the scripture was the same scripture I had used in my prayer on 12/7. The significance is what the scripture says: ” For I am the Lord: I will speak and the word that I shall speak shall come to pass; it shall be no more prolonged for in your days, O rebellious house will I say the word, and will perform it saith the Lord” Ezekiel 12:25. I saw this scripture Friday morning and in my heart I knew God had spoken and He was turning things around. This would not be the only scripture confirmation I receive; every morning I was given a new revelation and miracle as God continues to remind me that ” He has not forgotten”.
Today I continue to stand firm on God’s word and promises knowing that the “Promise is still good” I may not physically see it with my eyes but I trust and believe God is getting ready to blow my mind and I’m ready !!
If there is ever anything you are trusting and believing God for hold fast to His promises don’t be moved by friends and what they think always hold steadfast to God’s unchanging hand. God is faithful to do just what He said !!
” Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43 18-19
Yesterday’s devotional confirmation ” No weapon formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that rises against you in judgement, thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord” Isaiah 54:17
God’s Yes is still yes !!!
For I am the Lord, I will speak and the word that I shall speak shall come to pass. It shall be no more prolonged for in your days, O rebellious house, will I say the word, and will perform it saith the Lord God. Ezekiel 12: 17-23
My prayer is that my will is aligned with God’s will and that he will speak the word to my husband today, regarding our marriage. I pray that God will speak so firmly/loudly and with authority. That the authority in Gods voice will have my husband pleading for forgiveness and guidance from God. I’m trusting and believing that God will turn his heart and give him an undivided heart today. And that every where he looks or turns in his apartment he see’s me and hears me. I pray his memory is attuned to the happy memories of our marriage. I also pray that God overflows his heart with the love that he thought was no longer possible. I know God’s ways are higher and his thoughts are deeper; so I trust that what I imagine is only the tip of the iceberg !!
The day I realized that my husband loved me very much but I had some sexual hang-ups that needed to be resolved. What my husband saw was far from what I saw. He saw a beautiful sexy woman that he wanted to love completely. I saw a woman that was inadequate and would never have his love completely. I was a big part of our problem. The more he tried to love me, the more I worried about the shoe dropping. I finally had to come to the realization that God made me fearlessly and wonderful, and I was beautiful and as a wife my bedroom should be undefiled and I should release myself totally to my husband. But was it too late, was I just too little and too late; or would God give me the chance to make this right. I love my husband and am convinced I need to allow him to love me totally only if he will turn around and look back just one time. I can be the wife that releases myself totally. So this became my prayer:
Lord help me to see myself as you see me. Help me to also see the beauty that my husband sees in me. Guide me to be confident and open in sharing my body with the husband you’ve given me. Father release me from the faulty ways I’ve viewed sex in the past. Give me strength and peace to trust your plan for healthy sexuality in my marriage. Help me to replace that painful perspective from my past with your truth. Lord help me to surrender whatever mental and emotional obstacles that are in the way of my experiencing sexual pleasure. Help me to relax and rest in the security of your plan and in my husband’s arms. Awaken my senses so that I can delight in the ways that my husband touches me and the way this body you gave me responds. Help me to also give my husband pleasure. Father give me the courage and words of wisdom to approach my husband and discuss marital intimacy. Give him an open ear and an open heart. Help us pursue being of one accord in our intimate life together.
” Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control”. 1 Corinthians 7:5
This was my prayer thanking God for D-day. In all things give thanks.
” For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
Lord I thank you for the D-day in my marriage. I’m not thankful for the sin that was committed but I’m grateful for the discovery. Thank you for preparing me through worship, movies and books for what you had in store. Thank you for allowing the discovery to be properly aligned with the right place, time and support angel to see me through. ( My sisters is a phenomenal prayer warrior). Had D-day not happened my husband and I would have continued on a train with Satan as the conductor. To destinations unknown swiftly moving. Thank you for the derailment of Satan’s train. And for the gift of forgiveness on the new train conducted by you God. My prayer is that we continue as your passengers and that any passenger with plans from Satan be left on the track. I ask that you only allow passengers with plans aligned with your purpose for our marriage to board the train. Thank you heavenly father for discernment, fortitude, forgiveness and strength. This prayer was written almost 2 years ago. What a journey !!
At the time I wrote this prayer we were working on restoring and recovering. I had no idea that D-day was just the beginning of the train disaster. But I’m so happy that God already knew and was preparing me for the journey of my life. A journey of being broken by God, being healed by His hand and restored according to His will…